Someone left a lovely gift in the center stall of the Men’s room at the office today. It was a smallish sausage-shaped turd. The most disturbing part was that it was reddish in areas (perhaps robofish red) leading me to believe said person had a bloody expulsion. Whether this happened during stall entry or exit still remains unclear. I have a forensics team studying the positioning of the feces as we speak. I will also be sneaking DNA samples from all men in the office (and maintenance personnel–I’ve noticed a definite increase in these sorts of discoveries ever since they have become more prominent on our floor).

This serendipitous encounter had me thinking about the qualms of the blind. Public restrooms must be horrifying. Being unable to visually inspect the toilet surface, the bowl contents, spy potential floor mines and gauge occupancy are a nightmare I hope to never experience.

Good day.